My Old Iron Cross
I’m the bloke that broke the bank at Monte Carlo,
I’m the hero of a dozen dirty night,
I went out in a submarine to give the Kaiser one,
It went off bang and up I went and landed in the Sun.
There I met the Kaiser and he said “I’m up the stick”
“If you get me out of here I’ll treat you mighty quick”.
Oh my old Iron Cross, my old Iron Cross,
What a waste I do declare,
Over there in Germany they’re giving them away,
You can have a dozen if you shout “Hooray”
The Kaiser said to me “Old Cock”,
“My Kingdom for a horse”
I gave him the one missus dried the clothes on
And he gave me the old Iron Cross.
I’ve been busy as a bee at building trenches
But I stopped because I wore away my spade,
I’d been digging for a fortnight with the mud up to my neck,
My clothes all torn and tattered and I looked a perfect wreck.
All at once a thousand Germans shouted “Give us meat”
I gave them a sausage that I’d dug up for a treat.
Oh my old Iron Cross, my old Iron Cross,
What a waste I do declare,
Over there in Germany they’re giving them away,
You can have a dozen if you shout “Hooray”
The Kaiser shouted “Meat, meat, meat”
I gave him some of course,
Though he only had a nibble at my old ham bone
He gave me the old Iron Cross.
I was scouting 'round a place called Schemozzel,
With a thousand Russian lancers out for blood,
The officer commanding us had gone to get a drink,
So I sent the cabin boy for one in less than half-a-wink.
Then we stormed the trenches and we made the Germans run,
Captured several prisoners and missed the Kaiser’s son.
Oh my old Iron Cross, my old Iron Cross,
What a waste I do declare,
Over there in Germany they’re giving them away,
You can have a dozen if you shout “Hooray”
The Crown Prince said “Oh don’t go well”
“You fill me with remorse”
So I told him to get to Tipperary
And he gave me the old Iron Cross.
Oh my old Iron Cross, my old Iron Cross,
What a waste I do declare,
Over there in Germany they’re giving them away,
You can have a dozen if you shout “Hooray”
The Kaiser said to me “Old Cock”,
“My Kingdom for a horse”
I gave him the one missus dried the clothes on
And he gave me the old Iron Cross.
Like the Kaiser, made of pig iron.
http://firstworldwar.com/audio/Harry%20Champion%20-%20My%20Old%20Iron%20Cross.mp3
A Little Bit Of Cucumber
I was weaned on cucumber
And on my wedding day,
When the fun was over and when
The guests had gone away,
My old darling said to me,
“You must be hungry, Joe!
What is it you fancy?” I
Said, “Fancy! Don’t you know?”
“I like pickled onions,
I like piccalilli.
Pickled cabbage is alright
With a bit of cold meat on Sunday night.
I can go termartoes,
But what I do prefer,
Is a little bit of cu-cum-cu-cum-cu-cum,
Little bit of cucumber.”
I went flying in the air
With my old college chum.
Suddenly he said to me,
“We’re bound for kingdom come!
Is there anything on your brain
Before you wear a crown?”
I began to shake and said,
"Write this confession down:
“I like pickled onions,
I like piccalilli.
Pickled cabbage is alright
With a bit of cold meat on Sunday night.
I can go termartoes,
But what I do prefer,
Is a little bit of cu-cum-cu-cum-cu-cum,
Little bit of cucumber.”
“I like pickled onions,
I like piccalilli.
Pickled cabbage is alright
With a bit of cold meat on Sunday night.
I can go termartoes,
But what I do prefer,
Is a little bit of cu-cum-cu-cum-cu-cum,
Little bit of cucumber.”
Sev’ral years of married life
Have brought me lots of joys.
I don’t know how many girls,
I think it’s fourteen boys.
When the last one came to town
It nearly turned my head.
It was marked with a cucumber,
And the first words that it said,
“I like pickled onions,
I like piccalilli.
Pickled cabbage is alright
With a bit of cold meat on Sunday night.
I can go termartoes,
But what I do prefer,
Is a little bit of cu-cum-cu-cum-cu-cum,
Little bit of cucumber.”
To the Lord Mayor’s Banquet I
Got in one foggy day.
When I saw the grub it took
My appetite away:
“Sparrowgrass” and chaffinches,
And pigs-head stuffed with jam!
I said to the waiter there,
“You don’t know who I am!”
“I like pickled onions,
I like piccalilli.
Pickled cabbage is alright
With a bit of cold meat on Sunday night.
I can go termartoes,
But what I do prefer,
Is a little bit of cu-cum-cu-cum-cu-cum,
Little bit of cucumber.”
http://firstworldwar.com/audio/Harry%20Champion%20-%20A%20Little%20Bit%20Of%20Cucumber.mp3
Any Old Iron
Just a week or two ago my poor old Uncle Bill,
Went and kicked the bucket and he left me in his will.
The other day I popped around to see poor Auntie Jane,
She said “Your Uncle Bill has left to you a watch and chain.”
I put it on right across my vest,
Thought I looked a dandy as it dangled on my chest.
Just to flash it off I started walking 'round about,
A lot of nippers followed me and all began to shout:
Any old iron any old iron any any old, old iron?
You look neat - talk about a treat,
You look dapper from your napper to your feet.
Dressed in style, brand new tile,
And your father’s old green tie on,
But I wouldn’t give you tuppence for your old watch chain,
Old iron, old iron.
I went to the City once and thought I’d have a spree.
The Mayor of London, he was there, that’s who I went to see.
He dashed up in a canter with a carriage and a pair,
I shouted “Holler boys” and threw my hat up in the air.
Just then the Mayor he began to smile,
Saw my face and then he shouted “Lumme what a dial!”
Started a-Lord Mayoring and I though that I should die
When pointing to my watch and chain he hollered to me “Hi!”
Any old iron any old iron any any old, old iron?
You look neat - talk about a treat,
You look dapper from your napper to your feet.
Dressed in style, brand new tile,
And your father’s old green tie on,
But I wouldn’t give you tuppence for your old watch chain,
Old iron, old iron.
Just to have a little bit of fun the other day,
Made up in my watch and chain I went and drew my pay.
Then got out with a lot of other Colonels on the loose,
I got full right up to here in fourp’ny stagger juice.
One of them said “We want a pot of ale
Run him to the rag shop and bung him on the scale.”
I heard the fellow say “What’s in this bundle that you’ve got”
Then whisper to me kindly “Do you want to lose your lot?”
Any old iron any old iron any any old, old iron?
You look neat - talk about a treat,
You look dapper from your napper to your feet.
Dressed in style, brand new tile,
And your father’s old green tie on,
But I wouldn’t give you tuppence for your old watch chain,
Old iron, old iron.
Shan’t forget when I got married to Selina Brown.
The way the people laughed at me, it made me feel a clown.
I began to wonder, when their dials began to crack,
If by mistake I’d got my Sunday trousers front to back.
I wore my chain on my darby kell,
The sun was shining on it and it made me look a swell.
The organ started playing and the bells began to ring,
My chain began to rattle so the choir began to sing.
Any old iron any old iron any any old, old iron?
You look neat - talk about a treat,
You look dapper from your napper to your feet.
Dressed in style, brand new tile,
And your father’s old green tie on,
But I wouldn’t give you tuppence for your old watch chain,
Old iron, old iron.
http://www.filefactory.com/get/f.php?f=dceaeb07fb7604a4894a74b3
A Little Bit of Cucumber was a popular song during The Great War. Any Old Iron was popular during both wars, and the version that is up there is the only decent version I can get until I buy another CD. I can get other versions, but they don’t do the song justice.
All three songs were sung by Harry Champion who was a famous British Music Hall performer and a comedian.
