Many of you will remeber classic lines by Drill Sergeants/instructors, be it from own military experience, from literature or even movie scenes.
A classic Bundeswehr line as an example:
“My name is Sergeant XY, my hobbies are Chess and drilling. Unfortunately we are way too many to play chess.”
There will be more inventive ones I hope - away from the “I’ll gouge your eyes out and skull-f*ck you”- thingie.
Gobby 17 year old junior soldier, to a drill sergeant.
Sergeant: “What have you forgotten to do?”
Soldier: “Feed the cat?”
Cue impressive attempt at keeping a straight face by the sergeant while yelling at the recruits, which was (barely) sustained until they got out of sight around the corner.
2004 Sennybridge camp, Brecon, and student-scaley is wandering back to the block from the ablutions whilst nursing a hangover from the night before.
RSM (who has happened upon student-scaley):Ah, student-scaley how are you?
Me:yeah ok sir
RSM:Ok? Only Ok? Are you not enjoying the delights of Brecon?
Me:Not really sir
RSM:And why not?
Me: (now emboldened by this unsual show of care for my wellbeing by the RSM)Well sir, its a sh#thole. The local area is boggy and their are babyheads (grass clumps) everywhere. The town itself is ghastly, the local women are ugly, the people rude and it’s still like the 70s.
RSM:I’m from Brecon student-scaley.
Me:Unlucky sir.
RSM:Student-scaley. Guard. Three nights.
Me:Err…thank you sir?
I had an RSM in basic training whose favourite, and pretty much all-purpose, phrase to individuals and groups was “You’re enough to make a wooden Indian bleed from the arsehole.”
I still have no idea what it meant, apart presumably from being a reference to the wooden Indians used as advertising items outsided drugstores etc in the US in the 19th century and our military inadequacies causing it sufficient distress to bleed from its lower orifice.
RSMs they’re a breed apart, aren’t they? 
Definitely.
My favourite example of RSM / CSM.
During Battle of Long Tan in Vietnam when badly outnumbered and badly outgunned Australians encountered regular NVA forces and were pinned down under withering fire from several sides.
RSM or CSM (can’t recall exactly who) moved around exposing himself to fire and encouraging troops to perform their duties.
One bloke recalls RSM / CSM lookiing down at him while he (the bloke) was hugging the ground for dear life and not firing. RSM / CSM says something like
“The Australian taxpayer is paying you to kill these people, lad. Now start earning your money.”
http://www.ww2incolor.com/forum/showthread.php?5084-quot-Mad-Jack-quot-Churchill
A young conscript from the West Surrey Regiment had two weeks service left before demob.
On parade, the RSM spotted his cap badge :
RSM ‘That man! You need a new cap badge!’
Conscript ‘Yes sir!’
The cap badge was made from brass and it hade been polished so many times, it was wearing thin.
RSM ‘Have you ever seen a naked sheep?’
Conscript ’ No sir and I haven’t seen one carrying a ****ing flag either!’
One morning after a particular hard PT session on Fort Braggs Smoke Bomb Hill there was some bitching, a Yogoslovian SGM loudly told us to shut up - “as long as no ones shooting at you its a f**king good day”.
He had a point, Sarge.
Gas training . my whole squd got put into a wooden shed the sargeant pulled a CS gas canister and we all had to mask up.We then had to walk to the sargent take the mask off and say our name rank serial number… come my turn … i took a deep breath and exhaled saying me rank name and serial number… what did that bastard do ? lifted his mask said " pardon ? " and put it back on… thus proving beyond doubt prostitutes do in fact have babys…
I think that one is universal! Happened to me once, gits. The other one they’ve done to me and my mates is after you’ve changed your canister making you do it again, but faster. Inevitably wearing the massive gloves doing it faster means you mess it up and end up inhaling a load of CS gas.