I don’t know if this has been posted before, but:
Murphy’s war laws
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Friendly fire - isn’t.
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Recoilless rifles - aren’t.
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Suppressive fires - won’t.
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You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
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A sucking chest wound is Nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
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If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.
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Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
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If at first you don’t succeed, call in an air strike.
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If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
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Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
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Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
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Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
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If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush.
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The enemy diversion you’re ignoring is their main attack.
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The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
when they’re ready.
when you’re not. -
No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
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There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
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Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
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There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
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A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
The Ol’ Ranger’s addendum:
Or else they’re trying to suck you into a serious ambush! -
The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
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The easy way is always mined.
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Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
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Don’t look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
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Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
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If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
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When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
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Incoming fire has the right of way.
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No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
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No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
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If the enemy is within range, so are you.
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The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
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Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren’t.
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Things that must work together, can’t be carried to the field that way.
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Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
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Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.)
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Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
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Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won’t be able to get out.
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Tracers work both ways.
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If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
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When both sides are convinced they’re about to lose, they’re both right.
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Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
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Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
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Fortify your front; you’ll get your rear shot up.
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Weather ain’t neutral.
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If you can’t remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you.
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Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.
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'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it’ll go.
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The Cavalry doesn’t always come to the rescue.
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Napalm is an area support weapon.
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Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
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B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
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Sniper’s motto: reach out and touch someone.
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Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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The one item you need is always in short supply.
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Interchangeable parts aren’t.
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It’s not the one with your name on it; it’s the one addressed “to whom it may concern” you’ve got to think about.
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When in doubt, empty your magazine.
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The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
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Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
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If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
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Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
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The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
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Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
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Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel’s HQ.
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The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
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One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
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A clean (and dry) set of BDU’s is a magnet for mud and rain.
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The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
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Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can’t hit the broad side of a barn.
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The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
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The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon’s operator.
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Field experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
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If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
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For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
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Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
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When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
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Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
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The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don’t know what they want, but they know for certain what they don’t want.
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To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
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The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
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The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
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When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
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The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
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A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
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Murphy was a grunt.
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Beer Math: 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
- Body count Math: 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
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The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
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All-weather close air support doesn’t work in bad weather.
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The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
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The crucial round is a dud.
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Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
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There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
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Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last and don’t ever volunteer to do anything.
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If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
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If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won’t walk into it.
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If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
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Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
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Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
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The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
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The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
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There is always a way, and it usually doesn’t work.
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Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
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The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
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Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
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As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
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Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
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The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
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Walking point = sniper bait.
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Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
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If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
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No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
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The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
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The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
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The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
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If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
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The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
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If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
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The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
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There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
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Don’t be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
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If see you, so can the enemy.
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All or any of the above combined.
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Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone.
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Never screw over a buddy; you’ll never know when he could save your life.
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