After 24 hrs of resiting the temptation I’ve cracked, look scaley
oh the horror
AHHHH! You barsteward, PTSD! PTSD! The horror, the horror!
Here’s the original story taken from arrse
There was once a young lad, let’s call him the wiltshire warrior, on ex on Salisbury plain in and around Imber village. Now our young heroic lad was full of himself that weekend evidently pleased that he was in fact a couple of miles from his home and looking forward to sunday morning when his parent s would turn up with bacon butties (they never did by the way).
One of the activities of this weekend included our young wiltshire warrior going with his troop on a man-pack rebro at night, which they duly did going off at night and setting up on a wooded hilltop.
Now, our hero was put on stag alone as there were only six bods in the rebro. For twenty minutes on his 2nd stag he scannned the area using his all-singing all-dancing CWS when suddenly quarter left at twenty yards he saw a moving shape no more than a couple of feet high and a metre long making growling noises coming in his direction.
The young lad sensing danger saw that the object in fronty of him was in fact a bl00dy great big badger intent on savaging him there and then. Our lad, being of a rural disposition (rural soldiers are the best by the way) knew that badgers are bloody vicious.
Did he stand his ground and scare the badger off? Did he attempt to attack and drive it off? No, he ran just like his hero Flashman always said you should. Running about 20-25 metres our now terrified wiltshire warrior hit the ground looking frantically around with the aid of the CWS he could see nothing but to his utter horror he could hear the giant savage beast crashing through the undergrowth jaws slavering with the thought of human flesh.
Again our brave hero fled with cries of ‘oh…sh1111t! somebody help me! Get this f**king thing away from me’ Until he ran head first into one of ULOTC’s finest PTIs whom as it happened was also running away from a strange badger-like character. The two lads returned to their harbour knowing that strength in numbers would be key if they were to survive the night ahead.
Wiltshire warrior is me BTW
Right Scaley here’s a cunning plan next time your on ex you could avoid those tedious night stags by waiting 15 mins then screaming there’s badgers in the wire sarge and demanding Arty/Air strike on your position
Best outcome, cup of tea and a lay down( if serving with a Liverpool based unit include business card from compo lawyer)
worst out come, NCO size ten to arrse
( Disclaimer don’t try this if serving in regular Army as worst outcome will ensue)
Your story high lights why the replacing the SLR with the SA 80 was a mistake, consulting my copy of 101 things you can do with an SLR (102 if you fire it) No 47 was converts ravenous badger to shaving brush in one easy stroke. The SA80 A2 will just cause some localised chaffing and leave you facing an even more angry beast (who like the terminator absolutly will not stop).
Just a thought though in your story it appeared that two badgers where working a pincer manouver so watch out next time they may have dogs and lamps for a bit of Tom baiting.